Guess who's back?!

Back in Guyana after going back home for a couple of weeks and back on my blog, I know it has been a while.

Weeks and weeks prior to my departure I was dreaming and fantasizing about all the loveliness that was awaiting me. First and foremost to reunite with my family and friends and finally meet my newborn niece. Second in row all the food and luxury. Hot showers… washing machines… cheese… Mona pudding. I couldn’t wait to go and during tough moments, for example when being stuck in the mud with the vehicle in the Pakaraimas for the 5th time – or being all alone in my Wowetta palace at night after my favourite roomie Heather had returned home, I was reminiscing about all those pleasures awaiting me at home. I was imagining how I would spend a whole day in an AH XL (large supermarket – for the non Dutch among us), be amazed by all the products available and walk by the cheese section at least 25 times to taste all those different yellow treasures. Or putting all my dirty dirty clothes in the washing machine (I always have the feeling – regardless of my sincere efforts – that my hand washing skills never really match a washing machines job) and sit in front of it to watch the beauty of the machine turning and tumbling my clothes in hot (yes HOT) water and nice smelling detergent without getting sore hands, fatigue arms, just without doing anything. To finish it of with a softener.

But no, it wasn’t like that. Surprisingly home was home. It felt remarkably normal, no crying sessions in the supermarket after being overwhelmed by all the richness, no extreme delight after seeing my favourite news reader Jan de Hoop with his checkered shirt and matching coffee cup and no mmmmmm sounds (like in cheeky commercials) after eating my boerenkool met worst (… unexplainable). I wanted to enjoy every moment to the fullest. I wanted to enjoy everything just as much as that one time I went just over the border with Brazil, found Activia yoghurt in a small supermarket and doing a little dance out of excitement. No no no, I wasn’t, home felt like home and therefore very normal. One expects to have everything there and it is. It is not something special to find Activia in a supermarket. I found it very remarkable how soon I was able to move the switch in my head from Guyana to Holland.
It also showed me how unimportant tangible items are, I was longing for it and when I got it, it wasn’t all that special. It wasn’t satisfying, I wanted more to try to get that ‘oh yeah!’ feeling. More cheese, more pudding, more clean clothes. But no ‘oh yeah!’. Not to be too Oprah-like, I must admit that it makes life easier just not necessarily happier.

The only ‘oh yeah!’ for me was caused by my family and friends. It was really nice to see everyone again and catch up. Just spending time together. It made me realize what I miss and who I miss. The goodbye was therefore difficult again. Still more than a year to go. Maybe it wasn’t smart to go home in between on the other hand I wouldn’t want to have missed it.

Don’t get me wrong, I also missed my life and friends in Guyana when I was at home. It is just difficult to split yourself between two worlds. Two very different worlds. Both worlds with it’s goods and it bads. What is the right world for me? At this point in time it is still Guyana. Who knows what the future will bring me…